- Order is for idiots, genius can handle chaos
- Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat
- I'm not in denial i'm just selective about the reality i choose to acept
- Solution to 2 of the worlds major problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry...
- It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
- If a chick ever says shes "fat" tell her you know an exercise that burns 500 calories an hour... if shes really
fat, then just shutup
- Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit!
- Boy Scout: Kid dressed like an idiot led by an idiot who's dressed like a kid
- Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but so would an 4kg carrot.
- Cars, Women, Internet...somethings are just better fast
- I knew I was unwanted when my bath toys were a radio and toaster
- A good friend will bail you out of jail, But your best friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was so awesome!"
- I was off like foreskin on a jew!
- You were sweatin' like a pedophile in a nursery!
- Hey that was just sheer thirst, that had NOTHING to do with my alcoholism
- Oh I love children... but I couldn't eat a whole one
- Dance like it hurts, love like you need money, work when people are watching you.
- You're more useless than a pair of tits on a nun.
- A lot of people say I should become a priest because I'm so good with children
- Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of
- I'm so kind, you could slit my throat today and with my one last gasping breath I would apologize for bleeding
on your shirt.
- Support mental health or I'll kill you
- Never fight ugly people. They have nothing to lose...
- Welome to the City morgue: You kill 'em, we chill' em
- I hope this name touches you like your father does!
- You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you.
- Abortion brings out the inner child in you
- Democracy: Four wolves and one lamb voting on lunch
